My rare Half Marathon write up - Was the foot ok?

Was my foot ok during the half marathon is not really the right question to ask, given that going in it was not even a question. Oh how times have changed as long time readers of the blog may remember 4 years ago I was making posts such as :

http://ledderhose.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/run-fun-shop-pain-sleep.html

And this post from exactly 4 years ago and posted shortly after getting back from honeymoon 

http://ledderhose.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/pain-wedding-photos-contracture-and.html - Be interesting to see if I still do anything like that with my foot, pretty sure that since losing the weight I don't. 

Ok so I never did make a go of the shop but just look at how much pain I was in the month before I started radiotherapy (1st post above). Honestly reading that made me a little emotional. Nowadays I tend to forget just how much pain I was in and just how hard life was. More on that in a bit and back to the race. 

So I did the Brighton Half Marathon (yay me and my wife) as this was a huge achievement for both of us. When I do things I like to do them well... I spent years researching and setting up this blog, I went into science and wanted to get a PhD (though the foot stopped me), I got into badminton and ended up a coach and now I am into running. Realistically for my first half and given my Ledderhose background and only 1 year training I was searching for something in the 1 hour 40 minute range, this is a respectable time and I know many a good runner that has not achieved it. 

As it turned out the weather conditions were perfect, chilly before the start a little wind and the crowd were fantastic. I will not going into details of the route but around mile 4 my shoulder started to hurt a bit (hope this is just an injury as I hurt it a few weeks ago and not the start of frozen shoulder) and my feet did hurt a little bit but I doubt more than anyone else in the race. My Ledderhose foot did have a little stone at the top but it didn't really bother me and I have had worse things in my feet than a little stone. 

In terms of an actual race it was fairly uneventful as I ran at my target pace and stuck at that pace until the end and finished in 1:35:50 a time I am thrilled with. For me though this race was never really about the time (well not really), it was about the challenge, a challenge to show that those with Ledderhose, those with pain can turn things round, also those that are massively overweight can do things they never dreamt possible. 

Coming into the finishing line I did drop a few places but I really didn't care (and I am SUPER competitive) because at that point I just felt joyous, here I was running with 9000 other people (and coming 742nd -see competitive) and my foot didn't hurt and I just remembered some of where I was, some of the sacrifices that people have to help me get on my feet, the pain and suffering I had to go to get to the START of that race is something that most of the other runners with hopefully never have to feel. So yes for once people overtaking me didn't concern me I was in my own bubble.  

I crossed that finish line and I am certain that if I had met anyone I knew I would have broken down as I was so emotional, I nearly did cry but took a couple of minutes by the barrier to compose myself. I remember back when I was really suffering and I was sometimes in so much pain I was crying when in bed and I just can't believe how much my life has changed. 

I mentioned rare in the post because I was hoping to post this on rare disease day, 29th February. I may have been a bit late but this is my post. I am rare, I have Ledderhose, I had RT, now I run and hopefully I can now use to to not just raise money and awareness (Marathon for Dupuytren's next year) but I want to give hope to those patients out there that have Ledderhose or any rare condition and are pulling their hair out. You have a chance fight for your right to be treated, be your own advocate and look for support from friends, family and fellow patients.

Thank you so much to everyone. You are the best.... 

If there are any details you want to know then please comment and ask I am happy to share most things and if there is any content you want to see then let me know. 

A sad but necessary step

I just don't know what to do with myself. I am in so much pain at the moment that I am struggling to do anything. Just getting up in the mornings and cleaning my teeth, shaving and showering etc makes my foot hurt a lot. I should rephrase that really as on days when I have not been at work I am normally ok first thing as I have not had the previous build up of pain.

Work has become almost unbearable as I am not able to control or cope with the pain that is created when I have to stand and walk so much. Things that are essential for my work such as going to a machine that I  need to use multiple times a day are now almost reducing me to tears and something has got to give.

Well yesterday something did give and I had to bite the bullet. I had a chat with the boss and gave in my notice at work (for lack of a better way of putting it) and I will only have to cope with 2 more weeks of pain before I can concentrate on finding a desk job with which to replace it.This was one of the hardest choices I have ever had to make, I have put a lot of time and effort into the current course that I am on and effectively I will be leaving with nothing to show for it, well lots of new skills, experience and a wife of course. 

It was hard not only because it is going to be hard on us as this means some financial strain but this is going to be far outweighed by emotional and physical pain that not only am I suffering from but also my wife (at least in terms of emotional pain) from seeing me hobble across to the bus stop in the mornings. But of course we are not the only ones that are going to suffer from this. The lab I am working in is going to have a shift, the project I am working on is going to have to have someone take it over so I am going to have to try and make this as smooth as possible for them all by writing up and presenting everything that I have in a manner that makes things as easy as possible for someone else to follow. 

I hate having to do this but that is the issue that I have to do this because there is nothing that can be done about the pain, even when I get another job, getting there and going to the toilets etc is still going to give me pain but I am not going to be expected to be on my feet and to walk as much as I am now. Despite what some people think my current jobs does require a lot of walking and a lot of standing and this is something that my foot cannot cope with. 

This is something that I have not taken lightly, I have toiled over this choice for some time, I have run it by friends and family and the most comforting thing that was every single one of them thought that this was the right choice now, not one of them thought it was the wrong thing or that I was crazy and I trust each of them to put me in my place if I am being stupid about something. 

What am I hoping for from this? Well if I end up being at home for a little bit my foot get some much needed proper rest and I can stop worrying about the fact that I feel I am not working hard enough and that instead of being able to leave in hopefully some sort of positive manner like I hopefully am, I feel that if I let this continue I would be letting things get into a place where I am putting myself in a bad light by not leaving earlier. Hopefully I can get that job that requires not standing or walking and ultimately I am going to be happy. 

So that is my post for today, not a great thing, it is an awful thing but hopefully it will be a break through.